


Don't Shoot the Messenger

by RKS



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, Crack Pairing, F/M, Fluff, No Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 08:04:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10963101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RKS/pseuds/RKS
Summary: [ NO SPOILERS, HOPE'S PEAK AU ]Kaede gets invited to Fuyuhiko's house to tutor him on musical theory. Everything escalates from there.





	Don't Shoot the Messenger

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is lovingly dedicated to Kuzuanon! Kuzuanon, if you’re reading this, it was an honor to write your OTP! :^)

The concerto of music filled the entire room - no, the entire mansion. Fuyuhiko, even if he never quite had the ear for music, had to admit it was quite beautiful. The melodious tone of “Clair de Lune” resonated perfectly with the setting sun, the moon peeking out from the behind the towering mountains, waiting to take its rightful place in a palace above the earth. If Fuyuhiko was a lesser man, he would’ve been fast asleep to the tuneful song by now; but Fuyuhiko was not a lesser man.

He felt almost depressed as the song gracefully closed, the final note ending the sonata and all peace in the room. Kaede looked over her shoulder, blond hair flowing down her back, smile half smug and half exhausted. Danzo, Himiko’s pet tiger that Fuyuhiko was babysitting, looked like he was trying to clap his paws together, but couldn’t quite manage it.

“So? What do you think?”

"It wasn't... bad," Fuyuhiko admitted. "Peko's better, though."

“Ah, right…” Kaede said. “Peko plays the koto, doesn’t she? We should totally duet, sometime!”

“Ay, fuck right off,” Fuyuhiko grumbled. “The koto and the piano don’t go together, dumbass. You’d sound like a dying tiger.” Danzo swiped at Fuyuhiko’s hand, a tiny growl vibrating in the back of his furry throat. “No offense.”

“Well, me and Peko _are_ smart,” Kaede said. “We could try, you know.”

“And kill my ears doing it? No thanks,” Fuyuhiko huffed. “Anyway, I learned shit about music so far. Can you actually tutor me, you poor excuse for a slut?”

Kaede pouted at his ordinary insult for her, and twisted her body around the makeshift piano seat. “I made Gonta carry a piano allllllll the way here, and you learned _nothing_? I told you to listen to all of the notes and try to figure out which key it’s in!”  
  
“Uh,” Fuyuhiko’s eyes rolled up to the ceiling and stayed there. His mind slowly searched for a guess that would piss her off the most. “Key sixty-nine?”  
  
“Very mature,” Kaede said. “We had an agreement you’d tutor me in calculus and i’d tutor you in music theory, but you are clearly not even trying to appreciate my effort.”  
  
Fuyuhiko’s eyes withdrew from their adventure on the ceiling and angrily snapped at Kaede. “I _am_! Music is just boring as shit!” His eye almost popped out of his socket. “ALSO, i’m pretty sure that pitch perfect hearing isn’t even a part of the class! Or ordinary humans!”

Kaede made a point to not meet Fuyuhiko’s suspicious glare, her face furiously blushing. “Um, well, er, it helps? Music helps, yeah. Um, why’d you even take the class, if you hate music!?”

Fuyuhiko badly hid an embarrassed blush, sending both of the awkward teens into a red-colored stupor where neither wanted to acknowledge the other. “E-Easy A, whore!”  
  
“...clearly not, you have a… C-minus?” Kaede guessed, sending her eyes on a venture to make contact with Fuyuhiko's face. Fuyuhiko’s fist clenched, eager to call for his bodyguard to put an end to Kaede’s life then and there - but the paperwork would be too much, so he resisted the temptation.

“I have a C- _plus_.”  
  
“Ah, right,” It now Kaede’s turn to dramatically roll her eyes. “So much better. Look, I can’t help you if you don’t help me.”

Danzo made himself comfortable in Kaede’s lap. She beamed and began to pet him, scratching his belly and petting the space under his neck. Fuyuhiko could never admit he felt a twinge of jealousy.

“Well, try to make music theory NOT boring as shit,” Fuyuhiko said. “Then, we’ll talk.”  
  
Kaede shot Fuyuhiko a disappointed glare. “Please, the only thing boys you days are interested in is porn and probably guns." Kaede looked mock-thoughtful. "Well, you’re the Ultimate Yakuza, so I suppose the last is a given!”  
  
“Hey, guns are fuckin’ sweet.” Fuyuhiko said. “And of course we guys think about sex all the time! I’ve had sex with half the girls in school, you know.”

Kaede raised an eyebrow. Fuyuhiko brought in his expert mafia restraint to keep himself from shuddering.

“Of _course_ you have.”  
  
“A-are you disbelieving me?!” Fuyuhiko said. “I’ll prove it! I’ll prove i’m the best fucker right now! Take off your clothes!”  
  
Kaede blinked. A trite few seconds of utter awkwardness passed before Kaede finally shrugged in indifference, and began to unbutton her vest. Fuyuhiko immediately started madly spluttering, causing her to pause as her hand grazed the next button.

“H-H-H-HOLD THE FUCK UP!” Fuyuhiko babbled; grasping Kaede’s hand in his to prevent her from unbuttoning it any further. “I don’t want to see your flabby body! I-I was joking!”

Kaede gave him a smirk - a smirk so smug, so self-righteous, that it had beaten out the smirk of Hiyoko and Togami's potential demonic child without even breaking a sweat.  
  
“Well, If you won’t do it with me, then how can I _really_ be sure you’re the toughest, best lay in school?”

Fuyuhiko _hated_ impasses. His father has been warning him for the dawning day when he will be faced with one, but he never dared to entertain the idea it would draw so soon. If he didn’t act upon his words, Kaede would blab to Saihara, who would blab to Naegi, who would blab to Hinata (or worse, Souda), and then everything would be over for the next year of his life. But if he did act upon his mindless swagger...

...well, he _was_ a man of his word.

“F-fine! Take it off!” It was Fuyuhiko’s turn to not meet the other’s eye. “Just… know that you’re an ugly piece of shit and i’ll make the best effort to not even look at you.”

“You do wonders for a girl’s self esteem, Fuyuhiko,” Kaede said, unclipping her bra. “Definitely something an authority figure should say!”  
  
“Ay, my dad says shit like that all the time!” Fuyuhiko sneered.

Kaede’s underwear slipped off her legs, giving Fuyuhiko his very first look at live womanhood; which was looking all too much appealing right now. It wasn't dripping wet or anything like in the pornos, but Fuyuhiko tried to fantasize that it was just, you know, casually wettening (is that a word?) itself up at the mere sight of him. If Hinata ever found out about this in any possible way, he would never hear the _end_ of it. ...what about Saihara?  
  
Fuyuhiko didn't want to know what would happen if Saihara found out. God, what about Kaito?!

His worries momentarily washed away as Kaede collapsed onto the futon, spread eagle, more casual than he ever expected out of such a goody-two-shoes like her.

A minute passed, Fuyuhiko sitting cross-legged on the floor and Kaede unceremoniously laying on the futon. Her eyes were like bullet wounds upon his skin, and almost were as if she was expecting something.

“Well?” Kaede said, bringing the awkward silence to an anticlimactic end.

“Well, what?”  
  
She let out a deep breath, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. “Take off your clothes. We’re not having sex with only one of us unclothed.”

Fuyuhiko blinked, but then a sheepish smile dawned on him after his moment of unwelcome realization.

“Ah, right, yeah,” Fuyuhiko muttered, taking off his shirt. “...I knew that.”

Kaede scrutinized every aspect of his body as Fuyuhiko disrobed himself, and when he finally unearthed his whole body, Fuyuhiko felt like he was literally burning up. Which was completely unfair; Kaede was just casually laying on his futon, head resting on her hand and wearing the most judging face on the, er, face of the planet.

Kaede spent a good few seconds just looking at his dick. Fuyuhiko would cover it up, if he wasn’t the bravest man to ever walk the face of the earth. He proudly showed off his entire body to anyone that asked - but only, you know, if they fit his standards. Or, if, they could possibly give Hinata and Souda the worst blackmail material for the next forever in his life.

“...well, let’s go,” Kaede sighed (what the fuck, was she dissatisfied?!), and patted the front of the bed. “Here, i’ll walk you through it.”  
  
Fuyuhiko made a wild show of strutting to the edge of the bed and sitting down as if it was his throne and he was the king of the planet - which he will be, when he conquers his probably-biggest obstacle; this obscenely cocky teenager who thinks she’s better then him.

Well, he’ll see about _that_.

“I’m the number-one fuck in school, so I don’t need your guidance!” Fuyuhiko said, presenting his newly spread legs to a slightly surprised Kaede. “Now gimmie what you got!”  
  
Kaede looked entirely unimpressed at his show of bravado. Fuyuhiko was just begging to any god that cared that, perhaps, Kaede would actually fall for his fake act and make it as painless as possible.

Kaede didn’t seem all to concerned about Fuyuhiko’s presentation, and crawled up to Fuyuhiko. She rested herself on her knees, and began to adjust Fuyuhiko’s amateur positioning with her hands, taking care to not dig her nails into his delicate skin. He still hissed at a few close shaves as she finally amassed him into a position that was up to her standards.

“This feels like a porno,” Fuyuhiko grumbled. “We join up for a joint tutoring session and now i’m fucking you.”  
  
“It’s more like you’re getting fucked, Kuzu,” Kaede said. “Now, hush, after all, you’ve done this before, right?”

Fuyuhiko desperately regretted the concept of the alpha male (and him buying into it) as Kaede curled up her fingers in eager anticipation, aimed center and true towards-

Something fluffy brushed against Kaede’s face. She instantly deflated.

“Danzo… please… move.”

Danzo didn’t care, and plopped himself right down on Fuyuhiko’s back. He was making cat-like purring noises, and seemed to be drowsing off. Kaede’s eyebrows tried to narrow in annoyance, but it didn’t do anything to hide the warm and fuzzy feeling Kaede definitely just got.  
  
“...what do I do, Fuyuhiko? I don’t want to move him…” Kaede mumbled.

“Er,” Fuyuhiko’s mind scrambled to think of something. “Do it with him on it?”  
  
Kaede gave Fuyuhiko The Look. The look that he had seen on every girlfriend his friends had ever had. The look that only people disappointed in their significant other could pull off - and once that transcends the usual unsatisfactory glance. The look that says, ‘why did I ever try to do this to you’? Peko gave it to him constantly, whenever he had to come up with an excuse for poor grades, and Chiaki does it constantly to Hinata whenever he spouts off a recent escapede he went on with Souda and I.  
  
Really, if anything, The Look was the sign of love and care. It was strange to see it on Kaede, of all people.

She sighed and reached her fingers out again, slowly inserting her pointer finger into his butt (after a few failed attempts to actually find the hole since Fuyuhiko was shivering so much). Fuyuhiko immediately yelped at the foreign contact and made a mad dash across the entire room, far away from Kaede. Danzo fell off of Fuyuhiko’s back as a result of the intense momentum, and shot Fuyuhiko his own tiger glare. Kaede’s Look was back, as vibrant and unamused as ever - a perfect compliment to Danzo’s quiet anger.

“Fuyuhiko. It was _one_ finger.”  
  
“One finger too many! I…” Fuyuhiko gulped. “I don’t…”

“Listen,” Kaede said. “If you don’t want to do this, i’m cool with that. Just tell me.”  
  
“No way, man! I’ve done this to myself so many times…!” Fuyuhiko puffed his chest up. “I once inserted Peko’s sword up my ass! Your finger was just as cold as a baby’s dick!”

Fuyuhiko’s first thought after that left his mouth was that, perhaps, that was the wrong thing to say. His second thought was that the room just got really, really quiet, and really encompassing.

“Okay,” Kaede began. “Let’s go through that sentence one step at a time. Firstly, i’m worried about how you inserted Peko’s sword up your butt without ripping it up-”  
  
“- it was _sheathed_ -”  
  
“- and i’m also _extremely_ worried about that last metaphor. A baby’s dick? Really?”  
  
“Hey, listen,” Fuyuhiko said. “I can’t control the shit my brain comes up with!”  
  
If Danzo’s tiny tiger brain didn’t buy it, Kaede’s slightly larger brain certainly couldn't. Fuyuhiko did his best to ignore the amount of scratches his legs were getting; Danzo was getting older, but hopefully, he was young enough to not be able to draw blood.

Kaede let out a drawn out sigh of irritation and picked Danzo up, who was still growling at Fuyuhiko for his deceit. Fuyuhiko willingly ignored the tinge of red on his claws. After a few pets and scratches to subdue the fierce little tiger, Kaede sent Fuyuhiko a tired gaze.

“I know you’re really uncomfortable with this, Fuyuhiko,” Kaede said. “So let’s not make this stupidly awkward or anything, alright? We’re going into the other room and doing something non-sex related.”

“Wha-?” Fuyuhiko said. “No, no! I’m cool with sex with you! Really, Kaede!”  
  
“I’m not, now,” Kaede said. “Playing those ever inaccurate Yakuza games you complain about at school all the time beats awkward teenage sex we’ll regret later. C’mon.”

Kaede slipped on her bright pink tank top and Fuyuhiko’s pants, which were somehow so close to her size that she just needed a belt to secure it in place. Danzo spent the changing session seeking attention from both Kaede and Fuyuhiko, hissing whenever Kaede can’t pet him because he bugged her at an inopportune time. After those agonizing minutes are over, she re-picked up Danzo, cooing at him and scratching behind his ears. He purred, content.

Kaede walked out of Fuyuhiko’s room, gently petting Danzo and chastising him for his nips at her hands. Fuyuhiko felt his veins popping out of his skull at the lack of attention he was getting, but prevented further tragedy by spending a minute or two just kneeling there, cooling himself off. After those minutes came and went, he stood up, and made to locate Kaede’s current place of dwelling - after he found some fluffy pajamas to put on, of course. It’s not too hard to find her; she was a few rooms over, almost doing some kind of convoluted dance with her arms as she button-mashed her way through Yakuza 0.

She noticed him walk in within seconds, and a pleasant look of contentment slips onto her face. Fuyuhiko nearly accepted the beaming feeling festering in his stomach as she held out her controller to him, the (UN)familiar GAME OVER screen flashing on the TV screen.

He took it, sits down next to Kaede, and silently digs his teeth into the meat of the game. He beats up every piece of shit he can on the streets, and spends a half hour in the karaoke club. Kaede and Fuyuhiko slowly came to some sort of silent agreement as the night went on that, whenever someone loses a duel of any kind (be it thug fights or karaoke), they have to pass the controller to the other.

Although the session started out quiet, the two barely making a sound to the other spare the occasional grunt of defeat and hum of victory, it doesn’t take long for it to turn into a loud pissing match. The whole neighborhood could hear it for miles on end; his sister would more than likely have a few choice words for him in the morning. 

“If you lay like you play Yakuza,” Kaede mutters, watching Fuyuhiko horribly struggle against a simple street thug. “You’re not very good.”

Fuyuhiko spit out something into the empty popcorn bowl, and upped the frequency of his (actually quite good, if he said so himself) rhythmic button mashing. “I am a master at this shit game, let me tell you. There’s a reason they call me Mr. Fingerfucker in school.”  
  
Kaede let out a gigantic, random guffaw, subsequently causing Danzo to almost slash her tank top wide open out of sheer shock. Fortunately for just about everyone involved, Danzo was too sleepy to aim properly, and he ended up catapulting the popcorn bowl near the bottom of the stairwell instead.

“You may be Mr. Fingerfucker, but you’re sure not Mr. Fingertaker!”

“Fuck off, landwhale.” He grunted, passing the remote to Kaede. The GAME OVER screen usually wasn’t this familiar.

After about ten minutes of Kaede making poor economic decisions (that the duo loudly traded choice words over), Fuyuhiko was forced to acknowledge that his head was comfortably resting in Kaede’s lap. It was nicer than he could’ve ever expected out of a cow like her. He instinctively dug his head into her lap, like it was a pillow. Kaede didn't particularly mind.

And five minutes after that, Fuyuhiko’s mind didn’t even register that he fell asleep on top of Kaede, who was furiously button mashing her way through a boss fight. She didn’t last long, either, and soon enough, she was snoozing on the couch as well, the two of them locked in some kind of awkward teenage embrace. It would paint a most unwelcoming picture to anyone that happened to pass by for a midnight snack.

It was midnight when Fuyuhiko awoke randomly, but he didn’t move an inch, despite his mind being fully awake. He was rather content laying there atop Kaede, the GAME OVER screen of Yakuza 0 glimmering on the television. He made himself comfortable just cuddling with a sleepy Kaede for a few minutes, muttering half-assed remarks about she should lose weight; it was a pain shifting her body so he could be comfortable.

He could've also sworn he said 'i'd be willing to try again', at one point, but that was probably just something he babbled out, half-delirious in his sleepiness.

After an hour of drowsily spooning a sleepy Kaede, Fuyuhiko slowly became astutely aware he was being watched. He cautiously spared a glance over his shoulder, and froze at the sight that was rooted in place at the bottom of the basement stairs.

Peko cleared her throat. “I’ll come back later, young master.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, this wasn't porn/smut, lol. I hope that rating got your hopes up and dashed them as quickly as they rose, because it's still technically correct.


End file.
